My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Oh god it's open bar.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
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