and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
