I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
