we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
