We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
