They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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