I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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