If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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