I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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