that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
