I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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