Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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