soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
