My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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