White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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