The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i jhust puked up my retainher.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
So vagazzling was a success
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