Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
