I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
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