Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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