she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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