My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
