We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
