I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Randomize
