So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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