I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
