i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
