when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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