You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
