i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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