Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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