It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
