Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
