Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
