I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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