i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
