Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I deserve this hangover.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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