I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I look better un-naked...
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
