dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
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