I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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