I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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