walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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