When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
