I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Sext me about skeletons
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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