ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
