i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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