I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You're like the curious george of whores
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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