im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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