you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
