I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
