I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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