i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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