Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
